Im feeling like its getting over, and something's gone wrong?

when the pain inside grows so strong that external pain seems nothing....i being hemophobic was scared even with a drop.of blood dripping from any bruised part...but now the internal pain can even subdue for blowing my brain out..im no longer scared to kill myself and my brain is tired enough to do that....i feel dejected, lonely and just feel my life is summed up.....manytimes i wonder my state, and it doesn't seem to help but being worse day by day...im reaching an point of absurdity in my life, and guess nothing can heal that.